Sigh. Do you ever feel like… I don’t know, a certain type of feeling that you can’t name when adulthood is hard? You look around, and there’s lots of things to be grateful for, but you’re also spiraling downwards and it feels like you’re drowning. “Speak to someone,” they say, “you’ll feel better.” But how do you talk about what you can’t even describe? When you try to speak to someone, you might not get the right words out. Then, you’re just not taken seriously.
If the person you end up confiding in is Nigerian, they might just tell you their “worse” problems. They completely dismiss yours, not knowing that you’re fighting something deeper.
This has been my struggle for the last few months. I just started thinking about the year and how it feels like I’ve been stuck for a decade. But on one hand, my life has also gotten more colorful in the past decade, and I was stuck at a crossroads of gratitude and discontent. How does one reconcile two opposite feelings?
I hear the news and see the absolute horror going on in the world right now. It made me feel bad to feel terrible about my “little problems.” The bad feeling led to an ache that I couldn’t touch, which led me to start stuffing my face with food again, a habit that I thought I had dropped. Food is consistent. When I taste rice, it doesn’t taste like beans. Food is the one thing that I know I can rely on, and it started to control me. Then I felt like a fraud because I preach mindful eating and I couldn’t continue posting when I wasn’t practicing what I preached. Then my clothes started to feel snug again, *sobs*. There’s a lot to be grateful for, but when adulthood is hard, it can feel impossible to get a breather
Finding “Daddy” at the Crossroads
In times like this, I’m grateful for the gift of Jesus because… hmmm. One day I was doomscrolling and I stumbled on a sermon about God being “Daddy.” Now, this was not a new concept to me, but that day, God being Daddy became real in my heart and not just in my head. I realized I could be vulnerable with God. The things I couldn’t tell anyone, the things I couldn’t put into words, I could lay it all at His feet. God is the only being I don’t have to put on a mask for; I can truly come as I am.
This “feeling stuck” made me start being more intentional about my relationship with God. It’s not where I want it to be, but it’s so much better than what I had in previous years. This experience has also taught me that we can’t box God or expect Him to only show up in one way.
One of the ways He led me was to intentionally read the Bible, jot down thoughts, and obey. It seemed unnecessary at first because I’ve been reading my Bible-in-a-year since 2015. But slowing down without a calendar pressure opened my eyes. I saw all the things I used to skip in my rush to finish. It’s opening my eyes to the character of God, and I’m wondering where we got the idea that the Old Testament God was mean. I don’t see that.
In Exodus 34:6-7, we see how He described Himself to Moses:
“And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.”” (Exodus 34:6-7 NKJV, https://bible.com/bible/114/exo.34.6-7.NKJV).
That’s not a mean person.
Healing Through a Free Garden Bed.
I also felt led to start a garden again this year. I initially didn’t want to because last year’s garden failed, and I didn’t have extra money to do raised beds and all that. (You can read about my 2025 gardening experience here). But my friend turned sister just bought a new house and had to fence the backyard. They had some leftover wood, and she told me to come get it. I have nails at home, so I was able to get my raised beds for free!
Planting a seed and nurturing it to the best of my ability is so beautiful. I don’t even have to know exactly how God makes it grow. I’ll make a detailed post about my garden next, but seeing this aspect of my life thrive and flourish is so rewarding, and it’s one of the tools God has used on my healing journey. You can read the full breakdown of my 2026 garden here.
I strongly encourage everyone to grow something, even if it’s just one plant if you don’t have backyard space. Green onion scraps are a good place to start. Who would have thought that God can use gardening to heal when adulthood is hard?
